Have maintained for the last four days - wish I had of gone down, but I suppose it is better than going up.
In order to try and protect my identity as much as possible, i won't mention the city I am currently living in, so I will just call it "the city".
I don't know if I can stay in the city much longer, I may have to move home. I have a job and get plenty of hours, but I can no longer keep up with the rent because one of my flatmates is moving out so its upping my rent by €200 a month. While trying to save for university next year I really can't afford an extra 200 a month + bills + living expenses. I don't want to be seen as a quitter though :/ I never quit. I just don't know if it is worthwhile to stay. And I miss my family.
Am living with my twin sister, her boyfriend and a friend (it's the friend that is moving out). Find it very difficult living with my sister - as I said in my background post, she has had eating problems in the past also. She watches what I eat very carefully, and tries to sabotage my weight loss because she does not want to be the bigger twin.
I don't know what to do. I really don't. AND, I don't know how I can loose. I can't fast. I waitress, so fasting is not an option as I would be terrified of fainting, and we have to eat lunch in work - I just eat veggies. But the way I am eating at the minute i am just maintaining. Not good enough!!!
I am scared to go into work. It is all in my head, I know it is, but i have made myself so nervous to go in. I've convinced myself they don't like me and i'm useless and fat and just in the way.
Hmm.. I am going to try capping my caloric intake at 300 instead of 500 and see if that helps??
Will update anyways!
No comments:
Post a Comment